Poems & More for the Soul

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 TITLES

  1. In  the garden of the Fleur   (The Gardner”?)
  2. A Flower Without Love   (The Flower died)
  3. A lover’s lease……
  4. A promise on our wedding day VOWS
  5. Alicia 16
  6. Be prepared oh eyes of mine…  Alone
  7. Grant Me Peace
  8. Binded (or Blinded)
  9. Cradle me Lord
  10. Grant me Peace
  11. Forever Never Ceased  
  12. My Cherished Child
  13. Words of Mine
  14. Half of something whole
  15. His Kiss
  16. The Tyranny
  17. I do I don’t I did
  18.  Infuse her
  19.  Missing you  
  20.  My everything
  21.  No more grief  
  22. Random Wake
  23. Technical Heartbreak
  24. The Choice
  25. Upon the Bow it captures me  (if there was a button on my sleeve)
  26. Trust was not the Issue
  27. Was it ever really Real
  28. Where Was I?
  29. When I am Gone
  30. You didn’t want all of me
  31. I Will Cry for you
  32. Feel’n Broken
  33. Locked Inside
  34. Is love a Curse
  35. Empty Halls
  36. No Paddle
  37. Help me up
  38. To Cry is to feel
  39. Triggered When
  40. Your Denial
  41. Thinking About Soul Mate all Day
  42. Happy Found
  43. Karma Say
  44. The Beater

45.    Precious People


 

1  In the garden of the Fleur   (The Gardner”?)

 

The seed was planted long ago

Planted deep for it to grow

Nurtured l, loved and cherished true

Sprouting roots becoming new

Upward bound the sprout did reach

Lifting up, so much to teach

First sight of light; a wondrous sigh

A glimpse of more than just the sky

Nature’s tears and winds do blow

This Fleur at peace it did grow

Never tall above the trees

But well protected from the breeze

A view it had of its garden near

Never beyond this world so dear

Peaceful, tranquil, solitude

Protected by the peaceful mood

One day the view expanded more

A tree beyond became the door

Straining hard to see beyond

Familiar loves are slowly gone

Something’s happening around me now

There’s more out there; oh wow

Afraid and shrinking little fleur

It’s frozen now and so unsure

Sheltered by the planted trees

Now feeling winds; harder breeze

What happened to my garden free?

This fleur is strong, believe me

Around the park that once was field

The fleur it grew, it did not yield

Nature’s tears continued to fall

The fleur it sipped and drank it all

The wilted leaves of yesterday

Are not allowed to sit and stay

And when the garden turned to park

The Gardner saw it had a spark

Alone it stood but needed more

Uprooted he took what he adore

Never again were mysteries guessed

The Gardener’s fleur was truly blessed

 

2.  A flower without love

 

It’s a secret deep inside

It lies beneath the oceans tide

I scream, I cry, and all for what?

I loved, I trusted, I waited and sought

You hurt me now I have to say

You should have told me before that day

How can you make this up to me:

Ignoring it is not the key

Full disclosure, secrets unleashed

The gentle man I once did see

Has put on the meanest tide

And wants me quiet; to always hide

I whimper, I cry, I have dry sigh

You hang up, ignore me, I want to die

The silent scream within my soul

Has lost the address of my heart’s goal

I have no right to live your life

For that I would not want

But to share a life forever with you

Was something without the haunt?

Talking, loving, holding hands

Less of the humiliation

Is it true your dooms day comments?

Have created this revolution

I want to forgive you but am afraid of you

I want to love you and not get hurt

I want to feel a great priority

For so often, I have felt the ugly minority.

When you scream and shout at me

You abruptly and angrily abandon me

This is not the love that’s shared

By man and wife who really cared!  

                            

3.  A Lover’s lease

 

I never knew this heart of mine

Exchanged a lover’s lease

If I chose to summon thee

Forever we’ll know peace

 So send a message in a vice

Let me get it soon

Fundamental anchor strong

Against the large typhoon

Every part has memory

Like distance in the sea

I wave upon the closer shore

But miles increase much more

 Let it go they’re telling me

Don’t look behind you now

Frozen stance beholding me

While standing on the Bow

 The summer came and now is gone

In winter still I stand

Endless space be under me

No earth for feet to stand

Oh yearn and cry I reach for you

But you are far on land

It’s in your arms I want to be

Finding my other hand

Turn your back away from me

And face what’s really there

Upon my heart and in your soul

For love will end despair.

 

 

4.  A Promise on our Wedding Day VOWS

 

Here I stand before you

Strong and unafraid

Committed to a purpose

With a promise to be made

 

It seems so iridescent

You can see it on my face

For when I hear your voice

My heart does quicken pace

 

I laugh, I smile, I dare to dream

I share with you a promise

To cherish, love, and admire you

In true committed solace

 

I share with you my spirit

The address of my soul

To hold you when you need me

My priority and my goal

 

To you I promise to be true

To hold and be your friend

I hold my vow of promise

My love; until the very end

 

5.  Alicia  “16”

 

Under my wing within my nest

To you my dear I gave my best

Protective branch within the tree

There you sit right next to me

For every step you first did take

I stepped away and I did wait

I watched as if upon a star

Right next to you, and yet so far

A moment passed within the year

I heard you speak within my ear

A song you sang within my soul

And never once did I see a hole

Upon the fence I sit and stare

I watch you fly throughout the air

Soaring high and dipping low

I raise my wing and let you go.

 

6   Be Prepared Oh Eyes of Mine.....Alone

 

When all is done

And paper’s down

You raise your head

You look around

Unaware amidst the words

Letting go between the verbs

Within the time it took to read

The ones you hurt. You really need

They were there when head was down

And now they’re gone; you frown

Your brow does lift in pure dismay

Awareness absent; Oh may I say?

The final blow begins to play

What you did this very day

Unchecked and out before it’s stopped

And now alone, the heart has dropped

 

7  Grant Me Peace

 

Can I find peace to love again?

Will I smile and remember when

Of looking at a tarnished ring

Oh how does the bluebird sing?

I await the tears, since anger is sharp

The 2 sided monsters has broken my harp

God grant me peace, serenity

Help me find my identity

So trapped inside and wanting out

No one hears me scream and shout

Clawing, grasping, choking for air

Please don’t leave me standing here.

Pick me up and give me strength

Straighten the curves where they are bent

Help me smile from deep within

To be like you lord, and forgive this sin.

 

 

 8  Binded  (or Blinded)

 

Here I am again

Feeling the dismay

I won't cry this time

It is what I say

My heart is hopeless

My back has no spine

I cut you lose from me

However you are mine

Sing to me my dear

The song within your heart

Let the words flow

I promise you will start

A whole new melody

The kind that makes you smile

A whole new feeling free

Running every mile

Open up to me

Stay in tune with me

Come and bind with me

Be so true to me

I can't help but love you

Its felt in every bone

We were meant to be

And not to be alone

 

 

   9  Cradle Me Lord

 

Not sure when it all went wrong

But I’ll cry myself a long love song

Tearful streams drown out the world

Jolted heart and emotions swirled

Omit the thoughts; curled up in a ball

Don’t want to feel my heart fall

No want to feel or even think

I try to run, but feel it sink

Grasping hands pull me down

Gravity gone, but still the frown

Please dear God, pull up my arms

Lift my soul, release the harms

Carry me for just a bit

Cradle me close during this fit

Help me, save me, wounded child

At least until the storm is mild

I know the time forever seems

 until I seek the sunshine beams

I wake within a restless sleep

My soul is yours forever keep

Bring forth a smile upon my face

Redeem me with your saving grace

Within your arms I am safe

This gift of love, your solid faith.

~~~

The trials and hardships never end

So hard for us to understand

The good, the love, all on the board

Help me read my loving Lord!

 

10  Grant Me Peace

 

Can I find peace to love again?

Will I smile and remember when

Of looking at a tarnished ring

Oh how does the bluebird sing?

I await the tears, since anger is sharp

The 2 sided monsters has broken my harp

God grant me peace, serenity

Help me find my identity

So trapped inside and wanting out

No one hears me scream and shout

Clawing, grasping, choking for air

Please don’t leave me standing here.

Pick me up and give me strength

Straighten the curves where they are bent

Help me smile from deep within

To be like you lord, and forgive this sin.

 

11  Forever Never Ceased

 

Do not mock me when I'm down

Do not add to my sad frown

Whatever you need from me

It is likely I am free

That song has been sung

With bells that have rung

That dream has been dreamt

Of what it really meant

Forever never ceased

It only was increased

And now it's longer still

By choice of your free will

The strength I seek in cluster

And guidance I will muster

If un-searched, you will not find

I will erase you from my mind

The walk is long and hard

A mile within a yard

Each forward step I take

Puts me closer to the gate

And peace I seek within

And with my God I grin

The pace is ever slow

And forward I must go!

 

12  My Cherished Child

 

My child from God

My child from love

A child you are

And nothing above

I cannot say any word

That you have not already heard

I cry alone without you near

I wish you not to see my tear

I grasp at times you hugged me close

I sit with pride when you arose

To walk alone the very first time

To start the highest mountain climb

That's what you've had to do in life

Climb through all your inner strife

I was here and you were near

But harder it got each growing year

I did the best that I knew how

I tried too hard to wonder how

If you were coping on your own

Oh how I wished that I was home

The home inside your mind is fierce

Makes you want to cut and pierce

I did not know the cuts were here

My breath, my mind my inner fear

So stop my tracks and hold my word

I try to feel what you have heard

I love you child, lingers in my ears

Crosses my lips and passes the tears

No matter what you say or do

When we are born we are new

No one left this planet fresh

The years grow upon our flesh

It seems to me you have not seen

To this earth what you mean

There is a reason you are here

To know that love can conquer fear

I love you yes I cannot stop

And don't tell me that you forgot

For my true strength loves you more

Then many a mistake is made no more

 

13  Words of Mine

 

You are tired and so am I

You looked at me with despise

My inner self released a sigh

I see it clearly in your eyes

Your word expressed So mad at me

You want it now I'll set you free

No words of mine belong to you

For all the damage done unto u

Although not me is all to blame

There was a reason for the rain

I tried I begged I over stated

You leave me now when I have waited

I'm too tired to cry my tears

Too tired to think of losing the years

Of time with you I cherished most

And now so sudden a haunting ghost

If clocks rewound to prior segments

I'd rewind to erase those moments

Of times I said unthinkingly

That I hurt you when you hurt me

My sleeve is hanging on my arm

And there it does no real harm

But when I raise my arm in rage

The sleeve encounters the anger stage

My past, my now, my future yet

I cannot try to make a bet

A challenged mind is in my soul

I have to change my inner goal

I cannot do this all alone

I need to know you are my home

Abandoned feelings in me sit lose

It sits around my neck this noose

Inform me of what we can do

Not just me but yes you to

Needy is not my quest for life

I own much more as your wife

For you to share and agree

That weare one both you and me

Then hurt me not and love me more

I'll stop the pushing out the door

 

 14  Half of something Whole

 

I know you have heard

What I have to say

Although I didn’t

Speak this yesterday

History repeats the seldom said

But often relives when it is read

So here, I write the truest words

Between the lines, the need be heard

A part of me was lost in you

I wore the coat and different shoe

Of one who really was not me?

Of one who stole my integrity?

Never have I felt so hopeless

A love so strong and yet relentless

Being half of something whole

A piece of this severely stole

What lead me once to be astray?

For closed you were, you would not stay

All other ways to seek from you

My nemesis would say and do

Cursed out of weakness anger won

And then the dirty deed begun

A piece of mind never granted

If I could, I would recant it

Although I tried, I regret the sin

The actions cursed when they begin

Sorry is lighter than conscious mind

I know I leave it all behind

When hence you walk in front of me

I hope to feel you here with thee

If feelings lost and memories haunt

My resignation follows this jaunt

Oh never did I hurt you more

I tried to look behind the door

How wrong was I to seek and check?

I tried to salvage the current wreck

(Now I live with large regret)

Contin….

……

I humbly stop my conscious free

I realize you will never reach from me

Something lost you will evade my touch

I have learned this now and then so much

I will wonder forward lost in time

Are you here and truly mine?

How do you fix a broken wave?

In oceans large, I need to save

I truly leave the bat and ball

I stop the game; I skip it all

I fear the thought of what I have done

My heart was pierced when it begun

Reasons, justice and sad love songs

Cannot undo the many wrongs

If you and I can’t save it all

Then let me go, let me fall

A heart divided; always at war

I cannot take this anymore

One hundred percent not granted to me

I needed to be a priority

 

15  His kiss  

 

In all that we have heard

How can we trust a "word"

Said in earnest feelings flow

Taken back in a moments blow

With each heart a primitive taste

Of feelings within, make haste

Truer than the dark green grass

Never said but, feelings alas

If only said from down within

If only revealed away from sin

Forever moments of lovely bliss

Compact and carried within his kiss

True to me my heart’s desire

Never said, makes one a liar

If truly felt and words begot

But if denied, forget me not.

 

16  The Tyranny

 

You told me to suffer all alone

Shut up inside my little home

The door is open, yet I’m afraid

Of the stories you carelessly laid

Did you plot your evil tyranny?

Or did you consider this a conspiracy?

The selfish acts so disrespectful

And now the moment it repeats so hurtful

Endless nights I have suffered

Enough of this I have ushered

Shane on you for blaming me

A coward you are for bigamy

Reptile’s instincts for survival

Your excuse is no revival

So earn your way into my heart

Or darling dear; I will part.

Forever alone is what you’ll be

Never share with others or me

A shallow heart you truly own

Changed you say; how has it grown?

Prove thy self-unto me

Where is your pride; your dignity?

Why can’t you open your eyes and see

How much I cherish integrity

I was and am a fool is I?

I pray to God and look that high

Help is what you need right now

Stubborn you are and wonder why

A man without a conscience loses

No soul he owns when he peruses

All is passing slowly by

Yet faster than the moving sky!

 

17.   I do…. I don’t…I did

 

My heart was so discarded

My love became departed

My soul beneath my breath

Felt free as if in death

Something betrayed my love

Again I search above

A temper that was old

The price too high was sold

Anger deep please subside

Don’t become so big and wide

Can’t understand when it became

Something cruel, an unknown game

Before me search the endless life

Behind me stay the signs of strife

Be strong, be wise, stand tall

Fight hard, get up, but do not fall

So hard for me to write these words

I love him so, but he hasn’t heard

Nothing he can do for me

No wife of his shall I be

~~~~

I can see myself falling

But I cannot break the fall

I feel the body moving

But not the earth at all

Am I paralyzed for fear

Or have I lost it all

Landing is an option

But I think I missed that call

~~~~~

I cannot see the ground

But I know that I am falling

I cannot hear a sound

But for the constant balling

 

18  Infuse Her

 

Lighter in my step

Weightless in my sleep

Oh heart unbound is free

I’m so happy to be me

No choice for me to ignore,

Leaping monkeys in my head

These days so much is going on

I fail to rise up from my bed

So I roll back into sleep

And run away with aching feet

Fly right through the chaotic door

A peek inside for what’s in store

Afraid of looking back

For memories unfold

Tried to breathe alone

As the lungs increase unfold

Can’t muster up the strength

To lift my chin; my head

Brush through my tussled hair

I hide myself right there

I cannot think of precious life

Clouds bring rain and maybe strife

A secret inside will now unfold

For now I’m ready to be told

Thank the Lord for Merry men?

Thank you said again and again

Conviction, love and understanding

Here I am Lord; Undemanding

Little me, yes important

Bigger heart not incumbent

Move aside my little loser

Bigger life and love infuse her!

 

 

19  Missing You

 

There are days without sunshine

and days without rain

There are times when the wind blows

Or clear skies domain

When a moment passes by

With the look of an eye

Where the moment is so still

That a heartbeat would kill

The stillness of a predator

The mercy of the sword

It's all for the taking

But said not a word

The look in your eye

The touch of your skin

The world started over

Every moment we begin

Breath is held with a look of adore

Each day passes by, loving you more

With you I'm here

And me not there

Every minute is longer

Until we grow stronger

 

 

20  My Everything

 

Awakes and smiles, thinks of me

Provides me with a cup of tea

Precious words upon my ear

Endearments from my special dear

Undoes a frown upon my face

When I am sad he stays with grace

His fingers slide along my skin

He knows he's part of me within

A touch upon my shoulders firm

Instant stillness to anxious squirm

I rest my head against his chest

His loving eyes make me feel best

Completed whole and not apart

This person here who fits the part

His resistance down, and not to sting

I so adore this man; my everything

                          

 

   21  No More Grief  

 (suffering alone)

 

I saw what I wanted to see

I stumbled into reality

Torn from me was the glee

Of living ever happily

Oh, blind my eyes of many shades

They never bore the accolades

No merit for the one desire

The only view, the one of fire

An inner voice whispers low

Acknowledge rarely granted so,

If only once it is adhered

A moment lapsed forever feared

To act upon the voice within

Challenge to the lifted chin

Forward seek upon a rock

Mighty prayers request the flock

Strong and tall posed for truth

Inner pride and partnered sleuth

No guarantee that this is right

It is yours to own, fight or flight

So be the mighty and prepared

Turn away from being scared

My dignity, my better half

A piece of me is all I have

Rebuild inside and hide it well

Secret life, never to tell

I grieved for that within me then

I will live and smile again.

 

22  Random Wake

 

It would have been nice to have lunch with you

To hear and see all you have to do

In person with touch and a smile seldom seen

I preferred that we were the type to convene

I understand your list of lists

Completing tasks within your fists

Pressure shared you have too much

But does this mistress deserve your touch

It keeps the nerves anticipate

And in the night I random wake

For fretting in my bed alone

I wonder if you’re coming home

With lives so apart in another town

You seldom see my inner frown

I try to reveal a smile on my face

When deep inside I’m torn with disgrace

Why the hauntings inside of me

What do I have to do to be free?

Have I granted to the evil wing?

Or have I heard most everything

I hear I see I don’t want more

I just want to shut the door

Remind me once for goodness sake

Why I stay and participate

You never answer often quests

So many more, those requests

I cry I beg I nag to you

And here I stand in front of you

Arms out wide and heart so open

Just one smile and all forgotten

Ask too much from you to me?

Check again; your judge of me

So look inside your soul dear sir

Find the one so hidden obscure

You’re holding the gun, with the choice to pull it

Release the pain and send that bullet

 

 

23  Technical heartbreak

 

   It’s not the way it use to be      

Its not the real you and me

Just because you cannot touch them

Doesn't make it right to see

It hurts just like it did before

Oh when I did hit the floor

Fundamental rules are broken

its not the same anymore

You had me with a note

The words I still can quote

Now I'm feeling so one sided

You rocked my peaceful float!

Under is where i long to be

far beneath the endless sea

never surface to resume

the deeds you did to me

   Tears underwater          

this was written first

Never get seen

Seldom do they flow

Often in a stream

A silent lapse of gratitude

Deeper than any latitude

So if she sleeps down deep

How many secrets does she keep

 

 

24  The Choice

 

I know you know you cannot hear

All it is we have to fear

To love again while holding back

The guilt to self; counter attack

A loss of limb is better still?

A whispered wind release the chill

Tingles along the spine are fierce

The heart within has felt the pierce

Collapsing brain and boiling blood

The door inside; unleashed the flood

Spirits among the living know

How ignorance dances with the blow

Membranes thick as iceberg strength

Intense; the flow of heated length

The path controlled by thoughts of brain

Erupted truths release the pain

Connected twins cannot proceed

Without the choice to intercede

A flowing thought is power beyond

To love outside; a magical wand

Let the heart out of this box

A breath of air under the rocks

Becomes a life vivid in colour

Something else, like no other

ADLIB:

It’s up to you my friend or foe

To be or not to be so true; just let me know!

 

 

25  Upon the Bow, it captures me

 

(if there was a button on my sleeve)

If there were a button on my sleeve

I’d press it fast and host relieve

Stresses past and feelings flow

Forever gone and out they go

Refresh, reboot, and turn a new leaf

Blank sheet, white board, no inner grief

Perhaps start now but search is blank

Festered and past mistakes have sank?

Caution lost within the sails

Amidst the winds and between the grails

Would I be lost upon the sea

Without this secret part of me?             

No memory there to help guide me….

Is it correct to let it go

For whom I am, is what I know

Lost or found; I’m in the moment

Behind the future, forward movement

What of thee, shall I become?

Whence without the past am numb

Upon a star a glimpse of time

Who I am becomes divine

OR   (same)

If there was a button upon my sleeve

If there was a button upon my sleeve

I’d press it fast and host relieve

Stresses past and feelings flow

Forever gone and out they go

Refresh, reboot, and turn a new leaf

Blank sheet, white board, no inner grief

Perhaps start now but search is blank

Festered and past mistakes are sank

 Contin…..

Caution lost within past tales

Amidst the winds and between the sails

Would I be lost upon the sea?

Without this secret part of me?

No memory there guiding me

How is it that the blind do see?

Within a thought of past endorsed

Provide the option of future course

Is it correct to let it go

For whom I am, is what I know

Lost or found; I’m in the moment

Behind the future, forward movement

Upon the Bow, it captures me

Forget the Stern that summons thee

If I let go and never mind

Forever gone this moment in time

What of thee, shall I become?

Whence without the past am numb

Upon a star a glimpse of time

Who I am becomes divine

 

 

26  TRUST WAS NOT THE ISSUE

 

Trust was not the issue

It was the acting as you do

A pie without the crust

Distinguished in sinew

More than just a grimace

A malicious sort of flow

Meandered across your face

And landed on your brow

An action more than instinct

A response within your tone

A fortitude of hatred

From past mistakes you hone

Hurt is deep inside my core

My soul has nowhere else to go

I know the heart does love thee true

For all its pieces, tell me so

When true loves bond is broken

Before it reached its height

The fairness was misplaced

With the hatred in your bite

When pairs of two are broken

When sadness rules the world

Oh happiness forgotten

And spirals have uncurled

A public world of justice

An inner battle lost

The evil first to torment

And goodness be in frost

It’s the path we do not choose

It’s the road we dare to see

It's the ease of hiding from

The true and shared identity

 

 

27  Was It Ever Real?

 

What was I when you swam with me?

Why so many others?  You should have left me.

Fishing men never get enough

They seem to think they are hot stuff

You lost the bigger part of me

That loved you most of all

And when I think of all of them

I want to make you fall

My stomach churns the bile’s on fire

With thoughts of them; your shared desire

My blood it boils; my teeth they grind

The strongest wall’ I stand behind

Simmer down, let it go?

Oh you jerk; you led the show!

Piss me off then used me more

Oh I wished I ran out that door!

 

 

28  Where Was I?

 

Standing in a corner: Lying on the ground

Looking right at you now, you didn’t hear that sound?

My eyes they see in front of me

My mind keeps turning back

Holding up my hands, knowing they can touch

But when I reach out to you, you didn’t see my clutch

What does the mirror tell you, something may be real?

However not transparent, the soul does need to heal

Not all of you is here now, nor were you ever here before

I can’t spend my time right here now as my soul can’t take much more

A spirit can be broken but the faith is stronger still

I pray for happy soul songs with all remaining will

You did not chose to see me and I did not fade away

If only you could have looked at me that very way

I never would have thought the stories true

And now I know you were not you

Or?

(But then again; I never knew you)

LYRICS????

 

 

 

29  When I am gone  

 

I’ve heard the word I’ve heard before

Too many times behind the door

I cannot tell you how it feels

My brain is fast with turning wheels

 

How fast it goes and comes again

This life we live and then we end

Ironic though that pain is slow

And time will heal…when though?

 

I search for you within my heart

So much for that, when physically apart

I’m torn, I’m sad, I’m really mad

So why not stab me with a dart?

 

Breathing was a simple task

And lack of this was the cause

I cannot tell how far I would go

But know for sure, the moral is low

 

God if I only knew before

If only you would open that door

All you had to do  was see

Standing there, was me

 

Discovery of secrets held

Unraveling paths of lies

The thunder shuddered with your scream

Quickly giving up our lives

 

At these times of uncertainty

When my heart is on the floor

I ask that you give to me

What was mine before

 Your words of truth and love for me

I need to hear much more

If their said unconvincingly

You opt to be a bore

 

So you ask the word I hear

It’s “busy” and it’s here

So much of time has already gone

And most of it I was lead on

Cont…..

……..

 

Oh truly I so love you dear

I whisper in your ear

You cannot hear me in your sleep

You cannot hear my heart weep

 

So while I’m hear and at your door

Your time should be with me some more

“busy” is a state of life

That remains when we are gone

 

Life is short and so is love

When pain just lingers on

Take the time to be with me

So we can carry on

 

If I give this to you now my dear

Nothing changes within the year

Who knows when either will demise?

Forever closed are thy eyes

 

“Rest in peace dear”, you will say to me

And mournfully regret that you were “busy”

Full disclosure is at your choice

Rewinding life has no rejoice!

 

 

30  You didn’t want all of me   

 

Baby you knew what it was all about

It couldn’t be clearer if I scream and shout

When I met you I was alone

But I had others waiting at home

You knew this from the start

And now for loved ones, we do part

A part of me I gave to you

Wasn’t much but it grew

Oh how I gave you so much more

Than I ever did before

Now we lose what we did build

The void inside was never filled

Attached to me were pieces of my heart

And I swore above all, I’d never part

Oh my dear did I make a big mistake?

The day I trusted your words of fake

Your loving arms around my soul

Discarded the ones that made me whole

Above the world, I hoped for something more

But now I guess you’ve closed that door

On the doorstep I did stay

Answer not by you; I go away

Thank you for the times we’ve had

Thank you for the good and bad

For every happy moment or two

The hurt began and only grew

No remorse for time I take

A clean and fresh summer break

I hope you find oh so much more

Than what I couldn’t see before!

 

 

31  I will cry for you

 

My daughter young and oh so true

Tis heavy doors that you go through

I watch you struggle and see the fear

I feel so helpless standing here

Decisions wavered never made

Undecided and delayed

Uncertain thoughts plague your mind

The answers you must seek and find

I see the struggle you won’t admit

I see the dance you have with it

The seldom ups and many downs

The lesser smile and increasing frowns

It hurts inside I know this so

I see your face and let you grow

It seems that life is never fair

Reasons exist out there somewhere

You turn your precious face to me

Your soul connects endlessly

I feel your deeply anguished sigh

Oh my daughter; let me cry

The tears you hold inside your heart

For fear you might just fall apart

My dear this feeling is so true

Let me cry those tears for you

 

 

32  Feel'n broken

 

I'm feeling broken

Haven't you heard?

The many times

I've uttered these words

I'm at my gate

My limits reached

I feel the pain

But keep it leashed

The time is near

The words are spoke

Awareness grasped

Why should I choke

Frozen in the atmosphere

The words released in haste

I'm done, I'm finished I'm all alone

No time now, for you to waste

  

33  Locked inside

 

I thought this softer heart of mine

Would help somewhere along the line

Of times within this life so short

And then so long when you are hurt

It clearly has a grasp on hope

And never knew, that's how it coped

The wonders of the world we see

But tightly locked inside of me

I give, I gave, no more! I shout

Pockets empty and inside out

I hope you find forgiveness sir

Within yourself, of that I'm sure

Of all the time I have lived and played

She'd tears, sought love, and yes I prayed

A child in love, a woman in pain

Oh how we have so much to gain

I cannot lead a two man show

A partner missed and on we go

It's hard to live just half a life

Whoever understood a man and wife

  

34  Is Love a curse?

 

How can you see and stand right by

And watch my tears that I do cry

My pain is great and you don’t move

Not acted by me to conscious prove

A love like mine must be a curse

It’s greater than all money purse

I wish it were repaid to me

So that this pain of mine would flee

A child I am but innocent

I missed the adult train it sent

My soul is old but feelings young

I’m numb and humble, useless tongue

No words of mine did I do speak

My heart I wore I am a freak

A slave to love and target for pain

In my love I had all to gain

I feel I am the only one

But then again there was the son

The son of God and born of man?

If this be so I understand

How is it that I do endure?

All the pain I had before

It’s worse this time I have to say

And yet I rose and met this day

Please give me strength

Please help him too

It can’t be one

When there are two

Without a heart there is no life

To understand both joy and strife

If one can smile and then can frown

It shows emotion is bottom down

 

 

35  Empty Halls

 

I am but only a visitor

A guest who others must infer

A sense of judgement is the quest

By those upon the threshold guess

Is there another within this hall

I saw her there I do recall?

She isn’t here but yet she was

Her soul remains here just because

A home she dreamt and dearly felt

Would be for them forever dwelt

When ice did crack upon her step

Her dream released; she dearly wept

The welcome mat is there to greet

When stepped upon by unknown feet

A lonely soul is there to greet

His choice alone his secrets keep

A melancholic melody

Shields nothing of a remedy

Ventured in to silent walls

The spirit high quickly falls

So grey it seems on sunny days

There seems to be some missing rays

Foreboding spirits haunt the soul

Digging deep within the hole

The time becomes a monarchy

Guiding you to look and see

Checking when it’s time to go

Without the warmth or fire glow

Polite and friendly niceties

Disturb the kindly pleasantries

Adieu’ to you and carry on

Poor man alone his choice is one.

He didn’t see or catch her fall

His pride to large he stood so tall

Her love so endless and so pure

And his inside, there is no cure

The choice to be her sweetheart true

To share your dreams with both of you

The heart remains addressed in soul

She gave you this and that you stole

You know you must unshed the kept

Provide your shoulder when she did wept

Speak of your love and hold her hand

Response from her will be so grand

There deep inside is your friend for life

Don’t miss the heart and lose your wife

Defending gates you must push through

And happiness grants your dreams come true

 

 

36  No Paddle

 

Oh my dear

You poor man

You just can't see

In your hand

You had it all

In front of you

You let it fall

Below your shoe

If that is what you really want

You lose the chance by bully dance

Poor love you have not even a clue

It separated is what you do

No one will replace your name

But all in all you played the game

You thought you won but you have failed

You heard my cry and heard the wailed

Your arms are empty for ever more

No more kisses at the door

The laughter when dear JaJa spoke

Will haunt your nights when you awoke

If it be another one to try

I hate you then and I will die

Be a man and face the mirror

Look beyond the shiny glimmer

My love for you was endless challenge

My choice to tame your inner daemons

But they are strong and won the battle

Poor man you have no helpful paddle

  

 

37  Help Me Up

 

Above my head

In my bed

A light, a fan

A measured span

Why did it all

Come to this?

What happened to

My cherished bliss?

I dare to think

I can’t decipher

My heart will sink

I cannot fight her

The one in me

Who lay down low?

Is calling up

From far below

Please pull me up

From out of here

This isn’t me

Can’t stop the fear

The shaking hands

And fretful soul

I want to fight

I want control

Please dear God

Within my heart

Give me strength

And help me start

  

38  To Cry is to Feel

 

To cry is to feel

My tears they are real

If I’m told to stop them

What does that stem?

Too much I know

I’ve let it show

But how I feel

Is so truly real

I love as much

As I can hate

But love I need

And anticipate

I know it’s useless

To try to explain

The tears I shed

Are like the rain

And when they stop

By chemical pill

I’ll never know

My true free will

  

39  Triggered When?

 

So I lie here

I think of me

I see so much

Of my history

Where did it begin?

This life of mine

Specific to a nature

From whence benign

A trigger, a song, or memory

All produce the company

Some filed down deep

Some wake my sleep

Who am I and who are you

For we are part of all we do

A family, team, or group of three

Yet each one of us is one of thee

Alone exists inside of us

We can all be on the bus

A journey shared by all who ride

No one speaks, they all hide

Eyes may meet and slide away

Grins and snarls sharply stay

Oblivious passengers carry on

Yet watchers sit, observe and are gone

  

 40  Your Denial

 

 I missed it on our wedding day

I didn't know it was there

For me it was forever meant

Nothing would be circumvent

My heart and soul were with you there

You did not know how you could care

Arrogant, nonchalant, your message now is seen

Oh how my love for you, I denied all intervene

There's part of this that doesn't make sense

The fact that there is evidence

For all that we have been between

You and I still pull at our dream

Where you and I were meant to be

Resistance showed from you not me

You fought and fought but it was there

For me I waited, in my patient chair

And when the time you looked at me

In only the way a lover would see

My soul and thoughts, they soared so high

But caution stayed within my sigh

Your whims and lack of self-control

You did not think it through

You took what you thought was 100%

But decided later you were over spent

You know your love is really true

But loving yourself came first much more

And not a word to her you say or do

You just pushed her out the door

And now her heart is broken

But so did you break yours

For you are stubborn yes you are

And hide behind shut doors

No bended knee you offer her

Or sincere apologies to throw

Stubborn nature in your head

And All alone peacefully? you go to bed

Your mind you treat as a utility

But never mend it annually

Ignore the heart that manipulates

Lasts through your days and fears at night

You wake in sweat and tears did flow

Never once did you let them show

Emotions checked old soldier man

Give it up and quit this sham

Love the one meant for you

Don't live a life where nothing you do

Smarter the one who owns the action

Get her now before gone is attraction

Your work is not your legacy

The ones you judge are history

Your life if in a book so true

Would include both me and you

 

 

 41.  Thinking About Soul mate all day

 

It's really kind of rare

A whole world is out there

Who am I but a soul?

What on earth is my role?

Within the heart, an organ pump

What makes the outer body jump?

Connected parts within a vice

But thoughts and feelings; bad or nice

Alone is how they say we are

But if that's so; then why so far?

From mother's womb and a father's arms

We need them close, to keep from harms

Nurtured with another soul

A person, human, a physical pole

So no-one comes all by themselves

And so we search beyond ourselves

A soul, a mate; a soul mate found

Brings one to even higher grounds

But when that soul turns to hate

The heart inside will dissipate

Upon the Bow, it captures me

Forget the Stern that summons thee

If I let go and never mind

Forever gone this moment in time

 

42   HAPPY FOUND

 

A bubble exists within my heart

Happy inside this feeling is best

I felt this before so long ago

And with a smile my energy flow

Recalled from somewhere deep down within

Forgotten to me was that it can exist

At first I questioned my happy grin

And sauntered through the foggy mist

Mindful of the webbed synapse

I searched on guard and passed the apps

Avoiding the larger energy mass

Oh my mind! My heart at last

So long awaited to find your grace

I thought I lost you without a trace

The address of my heart and soul

Distinctly now I re-embrace

I want to burst, to yell and shout

I've found you soul, come on out!

Trepidation steps attempted to steal

The joy I have it is so real

 

Determined am I to have you stay

I'll always remember this waking day

Forward now and stay with me

My love, my God, my deity.

 

 

43. Karma say.....

 

Before I go to bed

And rest my weary head

I picture you and me

Living happily

It's not too long in time

A dozen for a dime

Awake and first of all

Your there before I fall

So karma has a will

The universe to bill

I pray for you my dear

I pray for all so near

It's nothing but a thought

But power can't be bought

It's costly loving you

It's happy to be true

I'm with your every breath

I'm in your life till death

Forever in my dreams

Apart it never seems

Come take my hand right now

Let your heart show you how

First and last thoughts of the day

We cannot change what karma say

 

44. The Beater

 

It aches my heart to see

Many people cease to be

It’s only primal fears

When courage disappears

An inkling dismissive thought

For fury can’t be bought

Its pain induced infusion

The puzzle is confusion

To process the intake now

It’s what you don’t know how

So be it that it may

You give to hateful way

To lazy is the one

Who ignores what has begun

No mind has he to care

The coward he shall bare

No shield can ever hide

All you carry deep inside

For all your efforts grow

In the actions that you show

You poor and lost careless soul

I pray for peace to fill your hole

The many you have treated as dirt

You have no clue; it’s you that’s hurt!

 

 

Who are they?

This is what it feels like

This is how it is

I’m fighting away the tear

And urging God’s strength near

I’m hurt and I know why

What makes me want to cry.

It’s just a thought or two

And it’s and the actions that we do

What is the strength I have to seek?

They tell me I have it in me to keep

Why can’t I just resist one day

And let the teardrops weep away?

To fall upon my knees and pray

Oh let the inner demons say

Whatever they want and let it out

So I can rest and live without

I wish it were a happy place

This earth for all the human race

What is the point and why the pain

When love so strong could surely reign

The questions are raised as we evolve

From birth we seek but to resolve

Demanding answers from divine

We stand afraid in the human line

The idea seems so totally absurd

For all we know is all we’ve heard

From those who were first to walk the earth

Until the day I uncovered this mirth

All along it was always there

Look too hard and never stare

Right in front of me it’s not

We were told but did forgot

As a being who can breath

We have two views that we conceive

One is out and one is in

Either way You start within.



45.  Precious People

Precious People


As I think about the years

There were too many tears

What ever made me sad

Or even drove me mad


I felt something so strong

Since I was very young

There was always something different

I felt it might've been clairvoyant 


Moments haunted my inner soul

Afraid I was and hid in a hole

What's wrong with me I would think

Why in love did I sink


My heart is breaking that I know

It is true I let the evil thoughts grow

Tortured and distorted they only grew

And day by day no one knew


I can see it all in retrospect

But never once did I reflect

What's going on inside of me

Was not the quantum of reality


Oh precious people listen close

Try to live; not overdose

I cannot clear the path for you

Just share my little thought or two


It's amazing!!! There really is peace!

Let the breath out, that's it; release

Let the bells ring loud and clear

You are now and you are here


I'm sure we all have harboured guard

Let no one know you struggle hard

The love within the human race

Oh precious people it's not a race


Life is letting matters be

Not running from reality

You have it in you; never fear

You are precious and very dear


All our lives we grow and learn

Mistreated; loved and always yearn

To know thyself can not be bought

Love yourself or live you cannot


Even when you question you

See all that you say and do

Causes; effects and emotionalism 

Science cannot crack this prism


So today I challenge all of you 

Take some time just for you

Let that other side come in

Open the heart that you made dim


P.C.  2017